Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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