Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
