I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
