If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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