I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
