i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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