You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am mentally ready for anal.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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