You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Michael Bay diarrhea
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
