Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
