Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
