I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
