oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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