Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
