I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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