i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
