Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
