you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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