I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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