I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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