I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
