uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
