her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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