i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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