She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
