im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
