I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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