That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
