this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
