I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
