when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
