I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
