Need sex. Gaining weight.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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