grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
