Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
