Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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