Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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