Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
