trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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