Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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