Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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