Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
