Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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