i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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