I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
nutella sex= disaster
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
