Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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