just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
