Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
