people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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