smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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