I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
God, I missed his penis.
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