This is not my ceiling
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
