So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I would ride that face into the sunset
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
