Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
