I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
